Simple & Elegant

expiration chug

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:25:00 -0600

when someone drinks milk very quickly on the day of the expiration date

Person a: what happened to that gallon of milk in the refrigerator?

Person b: Oh, I gave it an expiration chug, so it wouldn’t go bad.

Person a: Good thinking!

I won’t procrastinate today. Maybe later :P

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:47:03 -0600

I won’t procrastinate today. Maybe later :P

bullshine

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 11:37:00 -0600

bullshine:

Work-safe and broadcast-safe synonym of bullshit.

Person 1: “Have you heard about that guy who slept with 200 women?”

Person 2: “Yeah, whatever, that’s a load of ‘bullshine’!”

"Everything you see was someone’s dream"

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 10:47:30 -0500

“Everything you see was someone’s dream”

objectively attractive

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 10:50:00 -0500

objectively attractive:

A phrase used by a spouse or significant other who is incapable of admitting they find another person truly handsome, beautiful, or sexually attractive.

Well, I guess that guy over there is objectively attractive but I don’t find him interesting.

hinky

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:49:00 -0500

hinky:

Something as yet undefinable is wrong, out of place; not quite right.

There’s something hinky about the deal.

cubicle17: Stephen Von Worley mapped the location of every...

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:15:41 -0500

cubicle17:

Stephen Von Worley mapped the location of every McDonald’s in the Lower 48 states.

Sad: the farthest you can be from a McDonald’s in the Lower 48 is 145 miles by car. Sadder: I expected it to be less than that.

"You don’t fully understand a thing until you can explain it in a simple way. Confusing people..."

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:15:00 -0500

“You don’t fully understand a thing until you can explain it in a simple way. Confusing people is easy. You must THINK to be simple!”

- Rick Warren

thirst person

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 10:30:00 -0500

thirst person:

The grammatical person, commonly used in status messages on social networking sites, that starts off in the third person (he, she, it) but ends in the first person (I) because ultimately I am writing about myself.

So, my friend hooked up with this girl, and he didn’t use protection, and now he says it hurts when he pees. Anyway, do you think I should go to the doctor?

Sticker Paralysis

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:54:00 -0500

Sticker Paralysis:

The effect caused by having a really awesome sticker and no appropriate place to use it. General symptoms include keeping the sticker in a drawer and never actually using it. Sometimes resulting in affixation remorse.

“I have contracted a case of sticker paralysis from this Vintage Apple sticker. I can’t decide if I should put it on my fake plastic guitar or my rear window or my skateboard. It is too precious to use on just anything.

Arr, ahoy me hearty! PIRATE DAY be THIS SATURDAY! http://tr.im/yyhv

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 12:27:16 -0500

Arr, ahoy me hearty! PIRATE DAY be THIS SATURDAY! http://tr.im/yyhv

no-motion

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:05:00 -0500

no-motion:

1. A promotion without a raise or bonus.

2. During the recession of 2009, employers have embarked on a new trend of giving promotions to employees (e.g. by adding more responsibility to their current position or new job title) but not giving the employee any monetary compensation for it (e.g. no raise, no bonus).

My boss gave me a no-motion as I was promoted to VP but still receiving the same pay!

half-your-age-plus-seven

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 09:49:00 -0500

half-your-age-plus-seven:

The rule to define the youngest that a romantic interest can be before the relationship is indecent.

26-year-old Barbara waited patiently until Jack turned 20, fulfilling the half-your-age-plus-seven rule, before pursuing him romantically.

You lie!

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 13:52:00 -0500

You lie!:

The classiest way to respond to anyone you disagree with.

Obama: There are also those who claim that our reform efforts would insure illegal immigrants. This too is false - the reforms I’m proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally.

Joe Wilson: You lie!

dish envy

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 09:44:00 -0500

dish envy:

Sudden, intense longing and regret derived from watching a particularly appetizing dish being delivered to a nearby table, and realizing that one has made an inferior menu selection.

Hank was eagerly anticipating his scallops when the waiter brought the stuffed pork chops to the man at the table next to him. Unable to avert his gaze, Hank began to feel the anguish of dish envy.

Food Douche

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 17:36:00 -0500

Food Douche:

A person that thinks they know the best place to get any one specific item of food and that the places you know all suck.

Jason: I love this turkey sandwich
Joey: This sandwich sucks, I know a place with the best turkey sandwich i have ever had
Jason: You are such a Food Douche

prefill

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:28:00 -0500

prefill:

When, in cases of extreme thirst, a person using a soft-drink fountain fills the beverage container, chugs it, and then fills it again before sitting down to eat.

Person 1: Hey man, why did it take you so long to get a soda?

Person 2: I was prefilling my cup; I’ve been thirsty all day.

"The Poor need opportunity not just charity, a hand-up, not a hand-out, partners not patrons, free..."

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 10:29:00 -0500

“The Poor need opportunity not just charity, a hand-up, not a hand-out, partners not patrons, free markets not free money, trade not just aid.”

- Rick Warren

Donovan jug con virus AH1N1: http://r.im/1ve4

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 10:33:26 -0500

Donovan jug con virus AH1N1: http://r.im/1ve4

sloth-cloth

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 14:08:00 -0500

sloth-cloth:

An old tee-shirt you wear while hanging around the house.
The word is hard to say many times quickly.

The great man came to the door wearing baggy boxer shorts and a food-stained sloth-cloth.