when someone drinks milk very quickly on the day of the expiration date
Person a: what happened to that gallon of milk in the refrigerator?
Person b: Oh, I gave it an expiration chug, so it wouldn’t go bad.
Person a: Good thinking!
I won’t procrastinate today. Maybe later :P
Work-safe and broadcast-safe synonym of bullshit.
Person 1: “Have you heard about that guy who slept with 200 women?”
Person 2: “Yeah, whatever, that’s a load of ‘bullshine’!”
“Everything you see was someone’s dream”
A phrase used by a spouse or significant other who is incapable of admitting they find another person truly handsome, beautiful, or sexually attractive.
Well, I guess that guy over there is objectively attractive but I don’t find him interesting.
hinky -
Something as yet undefinable is wrong, out of place; not quite right.
There’s something hinky about the deal.
Stephen Von Worley mapped the location of every McDonald’s in the Lower 48 states.
Sad: the farthest you can be from a McDonald’s in the Lower 48 is 145 miles by car. Sadder: I expected it to be less than that.
“You don’t fully understand a thing until you can explain it in a simple way. Confusing people is easy. You must THINK to be simple!” — Rick Warren
The grammatical person, commonly used in status messages on social networking sites, that starts off in the third person (he, she, it) but ends in the first person (I) because ultimately I am writing about myself. So, my friend hooked up with this girl, and he didn’t use protection, and now he says it hurts when he pees. Anyway, do you think I should go to the doctor?
The effect caused by having a really awesome sticker and no appropriate place to use it. General symptoms include keeping the sticker in a drawer and never actually using it. Sometimes resulting in affixation remorse.
“I have contracted a case of sticker paralysis from this Vintage Apple sticker. I can’t decide if I should put it on my fake plastic guitar or my rear window or my skateboard. It is too precious to use on just anything.
Arr, ahoy me hearty! PIRATE DAY be THIS SATURDAY! http://tr.im/yyhv
1. A promotion without a raise or bonus. My boss gave me a no-motion as I was promoted to VP but still receiving the same pay!
2. During the recession of 2009, employers have embarked on a new trend of giving promotions to employees (e.g. by adding more responsibility to their current position or new job title) but not giving the employee any monetary compensation for it (e.g. no raise, no bonus).
The rule to define the youngest that a romantic interest can be before the relationship is indecent.
26-year-old Barbara waited patiently until Jack turned 20, fulfilling the half-your-age-plus-seven rule, before pursuing him romantically.
You lie! -
The classiest way to respond to anyone you disagree with.
Obama: There are also those who claim that our reform efforts would insure illegal immigrants. This too is false - the reforms I’m proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally.
Joe Wilson: You lie!
Sudden, intense longing and regret derived from watching a particularly appetizing dish being delivered to a nearby table, and realizing that one has made an inferior menu selection.
Hank was eagerly anticipating his scallops when the waiter brought the stuffed pork chops to the man at the table next to him. Unable to avert his gaze, Hank began to feel the anguish of dish envy.